The phrase “girl boss” has become a bit of a fraught term. While part inspirational (Women can do what men can do!) it can also sound a bit degrading (Why “girl” and not “woman?”). But the topic is worth exploring: What about being a woman in leadership sets her apart? MDRT Center for Field Leadership posed the question to five female leaders from different parts of the world. A few trends immediately emerged in the conversations: juggling family with career, helping others and working hard, to name a few. But the strongest themes centered on a woman’s ability to work flexibly and from a place of empathy. This is not to say women are the sole gender to exhibit those skills, but it’s a capability each of the women not only named but readily displayed — whether intentionally or not.
The following conversations have been edited for length and clarity.
“As a leader, if you have strong self-confidence, the team will follow.”
I moved to New Zealand from Taiwan Area with my husband and children in 1995. After working as an independent advisor for four years, an insurance company wanted to start focusing more on the Asian market, so they invited me to manage the team. I said yes — training is my specialty — and in 1999 I started to train a group of advisors. It was the beginning of my team leadership role.
As women, one of our strengths is that we don’t just think about whether someone’s performance is good or bad; we gather more details from team members. We have patience. You never know which advisor has something good or something wrong in their life. They may be happy and want to share with you, or they may have some difficulty and need your support or help. I frequently put myself into team members’ shoes and ask, What would I do if I were you? What’s the good? What’s the bad? What can I do? Observation as a female leader is very important. They may not say anything, but I can watch them and see their face or their activities.
In New Zealand, every woman and man can do the exact same thing. There isn’t social judgment if we want to speak out. The bigger challenge for myself as a woman is time management. I’m a mom, a wife, an advisor and a leader. I frequently say that in my heart, my home, I have two children. But in my role as a leader, I have more than two children — I have 20, 30 children. I want to nurture them all, but I have to prioritize.
Sometimes we don’t want to see other people become better than us, but as female leaders we need to expect our team members to be better — and soon. We should take our team members’ hands and move forward together. Find a goal like MDRT and make that a persistent target. Everyone, both leader and team member, will be going in the same direction and working together.
As a woman leader, I think more reading is also necessary to best help others. It’s critically important to educate yourself. We also must believe in ourselves and have confidence. As a leader, if you have strong self-confidence, the team will follow. And don’t be afraid of challenges. Whatever the challenge, accept it, manage it and solve it. Lastly, you must be happy to be in the role if you want to be a good leader. Enjoy whatever you are doing; otherwise, there will be too much challenge and too much stress.
Emily S. Tsai, New Zealand
Contact: emily.tsai@asiainsurance.co.nz
“The lack of ego really helps in leadership and management.”
We have a lot of strong women leaders in the agency. My mentor really likes to recruit strong women. I notice that the men, when they do their mentoring or coaching sessions with other men, it can be very brotherly. They talk to each other in a really straightforward way. It’s a different dynamic between men and women versus men and men.
I asked a male colleague if he noticed a difference between male and female leaders, and he said sometimes a female leader will be second-guessed by men. Even if they heard that you’re good, there is still some doubt in their mind. To gain their trust or respect, women typically have to prove their worth a little more.
In a very stereotypical way, we’re also very compassionate. If I see a man coaching a man and the agent is not producing well, I think most men would approach the situation with a military kind of guidance. When I see women mentoring, they’re a lot more empathetic. I would say we get the best of both worlds, as we are able have a logical, rational way for analyzing what the issue is, and yet still couple it with empathy and understanding.
The lack of ego really helps in leadership and management as well. It’s not really a big problem to reverse decisions, own up to mistakes or bear responsibility for our own or even someone else’s mistakes if they are under our charge. Most women I know don’t need to be in the limelight or be credited for others’ successes. I’m not sure if it’s true for all women, but at least personally I know I am happy to be in the supporting role for someone else’s success. It’s probably closer to service leadership than the typical charismatic or dominant leadership that people usually associate great leaders with.
Daisy Yao, CFP, ASEP, Singapore
Contact: daisyyao@advisorsclique.com.sg
“Without risk, there is no magic. Be brave, take risks and work hard.”
I always had a desire to become a leader. I started to build my agency in January 2020. I had become a top financial advisor, a Top of the Table member. But at the same time, I felt that if I wanted to achieve something more meaningful, to create something, then my job was to find other people and help them become successful.
The financial services profession is male-dominant, and sometimes women have a lot of fear about becoming a leader in such environments. There are many stereotypes, such as if you are a woman leader, that means that you are pushy, aggressive and don’t care about your family. This stops many women from seeking to become leaders. Who wants such labels? But women have many soft skills they can use when working with others. For example, being empathetic, taking initiative, being resilient or requesting ideas from the whole team. Women can handle tough situations without getting aggressive by staying calm under pressure. We can also be very open and honest and use our intuition. Women are able to tap into other people’s needs.
In our business, what matters is your performance, and if your performance is good, then it shouldn’t matter if you are a man or a woman. I once received feedback from a male leader that something I had said would have been acceptable if I were a big, strong man, but with my appearance, it wasn’t OK. It hurt at first, but I learned how to overcome this kind of situation. I think it’s important as a leader to learn that business is business, and not to concentrate on emotions. I believe in performance and in developing communication and diplomatic skills regardless of your gender.
If a woman has a desire to become a leader, she needs to be brave and be ready to take the risks associated with personal development. Without risk, there is no magic. Be brave, take risks and work hard. People will notice the results.
Márta Borbala Király, MA, Hungary
Contact: kiraly.marta.borbala@metlifenet.hu
“We’re very empathetic, very intuitive. Those are skills that are often overlooked as leadership skills, but they really do serve us well.”
I joined my father’s insurance agency 25 years ago. I knew he always hoped I’d take over the firm. I discovered that I could do financial services in my own style and not repeat what he’d always done. When I started to be a planner in my style, it clicked. I realized that this is what I’m meant to do, and it started to catapult me to greater success at a more rapid rate. When he realized I could do it, he stepped away. That was about 10 years ago. So much of what you do when you’re leading involves building an incredible team around you. You have a shared vision, a shared purpose. Our firm is very much built with care, concern and gratitude for our clients.
I wrote a book called “No Necktie Needed: A Woman’s Guide to Success in Financial Services.” Women have specific skill sets that make them great leaders and financial advisors. We’re good at listening and tracking details. I call them useless facts, but useless facts come in handy when you’re building relationships. Anytime you can connect on a deeper level by remembering little things about your clients or other professionals in the industry is critical to move yourself forward. We’re very empathetic, very intuitive. Those are skills that are often overlooked as leadership skills, but they really do serve us well if we do them deliberately.
With leadership roles throughout the industry, you are who you are and have so much value to bring to the table. When people start to look beyond their straight-ahead vision and get peripheral and even get eyes in the back of their heads, they see there’s more than one way to do things. That’s the benefit of diverse perspectives.
Juli Y. McNeely, CFP, CLU, United States
Contact:juli@mcneelyfinancial.com
“It’s so much more about building good relationships than just making people do things.”
I came into the financial planning profession about 14 years ago and became a leader in 2012. It was not an easy journey from production and sales to leading a team and starting a family at the same time. I found my role as a leader took a back seat in some parts of the journey.
As a leader, my role was to help someone else build their career instead of doing my own sales, which was a lot more controllable. It was challenging but very rewarding to form long-term relationships.
I think as women, we’re extremely stretchable in our capacities. We sometimes have a lot more pressure on us than we thought we could take. I am a very structured person, so what helped was to come up with an organizational structure and process that would help me systematically allocate time, effort and attention between leading and my sales.
When we bring people on board, we help them be successful in sales, but they have eyes on us at the same time so we can’t let go of our own production. Our ability to juggle, including having a family, is very important. When I select people to join the team, I look for those who are like-minded and appreciate the things I do, so they tend to be family oriented as well. They understand when I have to take attention away from the team.
Being a woman and a mother, I tend to focus a lot on relationships: I pay more attention to what they want than what I want. It’s so much more about building good relationships than just making people do things. I do find that as a lady it is less intimidating when we have conversations. We tend to have more relaxed and genuine discussions with one another, and that helps with understanding what team members do.
Christine Wong Kooi Fong, Singapore
Contact: wongkooifong@rep-sg.greateasternlife.com
Sarah Steimer is a freelance writer and editor. Contact her at sarahsteimer.com.
